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![[*]](./images/corporate/default_icon.gif) posted on 10-3-2010 at 04:26 AM |
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Fic Help: Disgaea: Aku no Tsubasa
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2102266/1/Disgaea_Aku_no_Tsubasa
Currently, I'm going to completely overhaul the whole fic to make it more cohesive and less stupid, but can anyone give me any ideas for the ending?
I think I've put this off for too long and I need to finish it.
For those who have read it and are waiting for the ending, I'm really really really really really sorry.
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Cranilla 
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| posted on 10-3-2010 at 12:07 PM |
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Heh...So you made that fanfic? I've seen some cover art for it on Deviantart.
Well, there are several ways you could do it. For example, you could go with a happy go lucky good ending; and have a wedding scene at the end, not
so happy ending, but they beat the boss, or you could go with with a bad ending, and they lose and Laharl doesn't get Flonne back. Which would you
choose?
Also, do you have some concept ideas for the ending? If you do, they might just be a little patch-up or so. I read what you have of the story so far,
and It's one of the best Disgaea fanfics I've ever read so far. You seem to have some mistyping in the first 8 chapters at times, but not to the
point where people don't know what you're saying. Other then that, it's a really great story.^^
I might be able to think up something to help you with it if I have some type of concept to work off of.
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burnfist23
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| posted on 10-3-2010 at 05:19 PM |
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Well, currently, I'm going through the fic and fixing it since I wrote it all the way in 2004-2005. I had only beaten the main game and half of La
Pucelle at the time of writing it and the Disgaea fandom was in it's infancy so there wasn't much information to go on. I'm also trying to give
Yuki a better presence in the early parts of the fic since he's going to end up as the "people beat me up in the past, now I'm going to take it out
on everyone" character.
The way I originally envisioned the ending was that Yuki's cross-breed nature was induced by Vulcanus a long time ago for some purpose (I think the
original idea was to have a powerful soldier as he tried to become the omnipotent ruler of the universe). And the big revelation was originally that
Yuki contained a part of Vulcanus' soul so that when Lamington turned him into a flower, he began to formulate his plan through Yuki. Yuki thought of
it as simply his true thoughts and followed them.
As for the ending, remember the thing that Laharl jumped off his castle for (The one where everyone thought he committed suicide)? It ends with him
giving Flonne with that thing.
As for the cover art, I'm kinda embarrassed by that now since it really is just a copy of On Love 1's cover and the Yuki on the far right isn't
even the way I envision anymore (I've had over 500 conceptions of what Yuki would look like at the time of drawing that and I'm still currently
thinking about what the hell he'd look like).
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Cranilla
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| posted on 10-3-2010 at 10:19 PM |
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He jump down the castle from the balcony then down the ledges to take a walk at that time. He gives Flonne the balcony...?
Also, I like the fact about Yuki's cross-breed nature thing. So, basically, you're saying that Yuki's just a type of guy who got hurt in the past
and wants revenge against the whole Netherworld? So, if Volcanus is guiding him, wouldn't that make Volcanus the big boss?
Also, could I see how the current designs for Yuki are? By the way, I looked at what else you did and saw Chiriko's design. Is it okay if I draw him
and Kuroko? They look fun to draw.^^
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burnfist23
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| posted on 10-3-2010 at 11:25 PM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Cranilla
He jump down the castle from the balcony then down the ledges to take a walk at that time. He gives Flonne the balcony...?
Also, I like the fact about Yuki's cross-breed nature thing. So, basically, you're saying that Yuki's just a type of guy who got hurt in the past
and wants revenge against the whole Netherworld? So, if Volcanus is guiding him, wouldn't that make Volcanus the big boss?
Also, could I see how the current designs for Yuki are? By the way, I looked at what else you did and saw Chiriko's design. Is it okay if I draw him
and Kuroko? They look fun to draw.^^ |
No, remember when he did come back, he said this in his thoughts: "Damn it…she left with Yuki…even after going through so much trouble to get that…"
That's what he's talking about. He never says what it is (and at the time, I did not know what it would be either), but that's what he's talking
about.
Yeah, basically and I originally wanted Vulcanus to be end up being the final boss but for some reason, I don't really like it anymore. The other
problem is the pacing of the battles and traveling up the tower. I know that I'm going to be cutting down the characters going into the Tower to just
Laharl, Etna, Mid Boss, Kirei, and Priere.
Yuki's past is pretty much the reason (In this fic, at least) why Flonne wanted to understand demons in the first place (Flonne's flashback in third
episode of the original game takes place maybe the day after that event).
I don't really draw anymore so when I meant conception, I actually meant it in my head. The only thing that stayed is definitely the white hair.
Sure, but I'm thinking of changing Kuroko's name to Kurojin since Kuroko is more feminine.
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Cranilla
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| posted on 10-3-2010 at 11:38 PM |
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Ahh...So the readers don't know what it is, yet...I like that.^^
Hmm...So you're cutting out Volcanus from the big boss catagory? Wouldn't that make Yuki the big boss who they need to defeat? If that's the case,
you basically need to type the final battle, right? Unless there's objects in the way befroe they fight him.
Kurojin? A guy can be named Kuroko. Why do you need to change his name? Chiriko's name some kinda feminine, so what's the difference other then the
fact that Chiriko's a sweety-pie and Kuroko's a evil being from down below? Also, thanks for givning me permission. If I can scan it or someting
I'll show it to you, unless I draw them on the computer, too. Depends.^^
Also, could I try designing something for Yuki? Just wondering how I could do with him...^^
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burnfist23
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 12:14 AM |
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I might still make Vulcanus the final boss but just make it different from what I originally envisioned. Like I said earlier, part of Vulcanus' soul
is in Yuki. I think the other idea about Yuki was that Vulcanus made him so that he could continue his omnipotent ruler plot in case he died. Of
course, the next chapter isn't going to be the final battle. As you mentioned, there will be a couple of things in the way. One idea that I know is
going to make it in is that Flonne will be brainwashed by Yuki into fighting Laharl (Which is the reason why he had her stay behind at the end) and
Laharl will try to get her to wear the pendant to undo the brainwashing. However, Flonne will refuse it so Laharl decides to swallow his pride and act
as though the pendant is a transformation device to bait Flonne into actually wearing it.
Well, that's the reason why it works with Chiriko since he's sweet. Kuroko now seems more like a pet name. The only consistent conception of Yuki is
that he has white hair, amber eyes, and very slightly tanned skin. The clothes and hair style is the one that's driving me insane.
Just a couple of things if you draw them based on what's on deviantart:
*Please do not put the spikes on Kuroko's shoes or at least make them better than how I depicted them.
* Chiriko's vest is sky blue. The only reason for the tint of yellow is because I screwed it up when I was coloring him in.
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Cranilla
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 12:46 AM |
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Heh...so Flonne would be the mini-boss? Looks like you've got a good idea for the ending already. Also, love the idea about Laharl tricking Flonne
and losing his pride. He seems to be losing his pride more often, doesn't he?^^
I haven't colored it in yet, and it's not a full body picture, so don't worry about the shoes...Thanks for the tip, I was wondering how I was going
to do Chiriko's vest...Also, add Chiriko's admirer and Kuroko's love interest in the picture. I might do another picture of them alone using their
weapons, though.^^
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burnfist23
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 12:50 AM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Cranilla
Heh...so Flonne would be the mini-boss? Looks like you've got a good idea for the ending already. Also, love the idea about Laharl tricking Flonne
and losing his pride. He seems to be losing his pride more often, doesn't he?^^
I haven't colored it in yet, and it's not a full body picture, so don't worry about the shoes...Thanks for the tip, I was wondering how I was going
to do Chiriko's vest...Also, add Chiriko's admirer and Kuroko's love interest in the picture. I might do another picture of them alone using their
weapons, though.^^ |
Um...about the love interest angle, I think I'm going to drop the whole KurokoxEtna thing. It just doesn't cut it for me anymore (Not to mention
I'm more EtnaxHanako now).
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Cranilla
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 12:59 AM |
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I like all types of pairings. Yeah, I think I'm going to draw them again using their weapons, if you don't have a problem with it. They're really
fun to draw.^^
Anyways, do you think you've got enough ideas and plans to work on the ending without running into any problems? I'll be willing to help as long as
it takes.^^
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burnfist23
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 01:06 AM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Cranilla
I like all types of pairings. Yeah, I think I'm going to draw them again using their weapons, if you don't have a problem with it. They're really
fun to draw.^^
Anyways, do you think you've got enough ideas and plans to work on the ending without running into any problems? I'll be willing to help as long as
it takes.^^ |
Well right now, I'm thinking of re-writing the whole thing so that I can get back into the swing of things and fix some of the errors and stuff I
didn't like when I first wrote it. Like I said, I had so many conceptions of Yuki (I think the first time, I wrote him with red hair) so I actually
want to see your version of him so that it can be a little consistent. Also, I'm changing chapter 6. I'm going to replace Marjoly in that chapter
(Since I now know she acts nothing like that) to Alouette. Also, I'm thinking of cutting out chapter 3 in it's entirety because...it was just soooo
dumb.
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 01:25 AM |
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Ahh...Well, I'd better get to designing, then...^^
Well, if you're gonna be rejecting Rejectville, you'll need to get rid of the areas where they're mentioned like in the earthquake part in chapter
11 or 12.
What you have currently, is well written. You just need to fix a few things. However, if you insist, I'd like to see your current writing abilities,
and see how good they are compared to the past.^^
EDIT: I just made two designs of Yuki, and I have enough paper for four designs. Should I make some more designs?
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burnfist23
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 02:50 AM |
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Maybe make two more.
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Cranilla
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 05:29 AM |
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Alright, I finished the fourth design. While I'm going to try to find an oppertunity to scan them in, how about you make a written concept for the
battle with Flonne to work off of?
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burnfist23
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 05:42 PM |
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Well here's how I imagined everything up to the final boss battle:
*Continuing from chapter 12, Laharl fights Yuki. Yuki baits Laharl into making the battle a sword duel between them.
*Once Laharl beats Yuki, Flonne comes and shoots her Holy Arrows at Laharl. Yuki reveals that the sword duel was a bluff since he put his powers into
brainwashing Flonne. The two of them escape to the top of the tower where Laharl and the rest chase after them. The tower then sends a bunch of
obstacle at him (Etna: Whoever built this must have had quite the budget...)
*Yuki sees Laharl, Mid Boss, and Priere's vassals and decides to get rid of them. Because he's feeling nice though he lets Flonne think up a monster
to destroy them. Said monster? Flonnezilla minus the Flonne inside.
*Laharl makes it to the top alone and fights both Yuki and Flonne. Both overwhelm him until Etna comes and decides to hold Yuki off so Laharl can
focus on knocking Flonne out of her brainwashing.
*Laharl remembers the pendant and tries to get her to wear it. She initially thinks it's pretty, but chooses not to wear it because it belongs to the
demon Yuki is fighting.
*Laharl swallows his pride and says that he's going to unlock the full power of the pendant. He then pulls off some really weird poses as says some
henshin catchphrase that I have yet to think of. Flonne then realizes it's a transformation device and asks how he got it. Laharl lies and says he
swiped it off a hero he beat the crap out of and Flonne decides that since it really doesn't belong to him, she decides to take it, use it to defeat
him, and return it to the hero. Flonne gets and wears it. Laharl watches and hopes it works, but Yuki, who had subdued Etna, beats up Laharl and holds
him still in front of Flonne so that she can finish him. Flonne, however, utters Laharl's name and that's where it ends for now.
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| posted on 11-3-2010 at 06:00 PM |
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Hahaha, sounds good so far! I really love the part where Laharl crushes his pride and tells Flonne a big fat lie.XD Anyways, it sounds good so far.
You just need to revise it to be longer; basically, the expanded beta version.
Meanwhile, I've got the designs kept safe, but I can't seem to find a chance to scan them anytime soon. I'm gonna be busy studing my brain out all
throughout March and April to finish everything. By May, hopefully, I'll have plenty of time to scan and do whatever.^^
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| posted on 10-5-2010 at 07:23 PM |
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Hey are you planning on releasing the last chapters? I really hope so, because it is a really awesome fanfic. I became strongly addicted to it^^. Also
I like your kind of style. So please work on this fic and complete it.
EDIT: To your ending: it´s a very good idea and i have one for the end too. Maybe Laharl should be knocked down unconscious, so that the final hero
for the last Chapter is Flonne. I mean, in Disgaea 1 Flonne was the one, who wasn´t there "live", when Laharl has beaten up Lamington´s ass for her.
She saw what Yuki has done to Laharl and their relationship (to Yuki) cracked. Slowly she notices, that Yuki maybe just exploited
her and she decides to fight him. Whether or whether not she has a chance against him is all free to your opinion.
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burnfist23
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| posted on 12-5-2010 at 05:51 AM |
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As mentioned, I will finish this fic. That's what this topic is for. However, I'm updating it first before going into the final chapters to have
some cohesiveness (Cranilla told me she'd upload a few designs of Yuki to help me out since even I have yet to nail down an exact look for him) as
well as updating certain scenes and information so that it sticks a little closer to the game.
And that idea does sound very interesting, not to mention Flonne herself hasn't had a chance to really fight yet. Also, I've been meaning to stick
in her Divine Ray somewhere since Laharl, Etna, and even Gordon managed to used their final attacks. I'll think about it.
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| posted on 12-5-2010 at 02:26 PM |
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Glad to hear, that my idea sounds useful. Well, take your time and if you need some ideas for your work, you could also ask me. Sometimes I have good
ones, but my expression is as bad as my English vocabulary knowledge.
"The Nazi soldiers all look like Jurgen Prockner and sound like Hannibal Lektor. Whenever they show up, they yell "Die Amerikaner" in a tone of
voice Lex Luthor would use to curse out Superman."
Zero Punctuation´s just great. xD
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Cranilla
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| posted on 12-5-2010 at 05:24 PM |
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Yeah, I like the idea about Flonne fighting Yuki. I've read several Disgaea fanfics, and I can tell you, Flonne hasn't been the one fighting the
final boss. If you indeed went with this idea, I do believe things would go very well. Very nice thinking, Metal_Sonic.^^
Now, about the designs...I've been working on school and such, I plan to get it all finished in May, and I'll have time to scan and such in the
summer, during my vacation. Also, I may have to redesign again, since I actually don't know exactly, where the designs are. However, things will be
easier, since I now have a sketch book. I'll redesign tonight, if possible.
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Metal_SONiC
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| posted on 12-5-2010 at 05:36 PM |
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I have to admit, that I never read any kind of Disgaea fanfic except burnfist´s. Usually I´m not the one reading fanfics, because my first contact
with them wasn´t too well. (read some One Piece fics... crap;read some Sonic fics... crap; read fan fics from a friend of mine... crap)
"The Nazi soldiers all look like Jurgen Prockner and sound like Hannibal Lektor. Whenever they show up, they yell "Die Amerikaner" in a tone of
voice Lex Luthor would use to curse out Superman."
Zero Punctuation´s just great. xD
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Cranilla
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| posted on 15-5-2010 at 02:32 AM |
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Hmm...Do you think the fanfics I write will probably crap? I'm currently writing an Ojamajo Doremi/Sonic fic and an Disgaea fic, if you wanna see
them.
Also, finished the designs, need to find time to scan them...^^
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Metal_SONiC
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| posted on 15-5-2010 at 11:10 AM |
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Hey, I´m not so generalizing. Maybe I will read your fics as well, when I have the time to. (Maybe in summer, when I´m in holiday and have no Computer
and such stuff, only my PSP)
"The Nazi soldiers all look like Jurgen Prockner and sound like Hannibal Lektor. Whenever they show up, they yell "Die Amerikaner" in a tone of
voice Lex Luthor would use to curse out Superman."
Zero Punctuation´s just great. xD
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